Me and Art
My artwork is half of my life. Anything that I make immediately finds a place in my heart. I once drew a hibiscus in 6th grade for my Progress Review front page using pencil shading. The next thing I knew was that it became my favourite flower. I had once visited Ranthambore, but I came back without seeing a single tiger. A few months later, I made a tiger without even thinking about it. It didn’t end there though. A few months ago, we were given an assignment in Art class to make a poster on any one wildlife sanctuary with an animal or a bird in it. I had decided my animal even before deciding the sanctuary. I wanted to make a tiger.
My tigers were finished almost exactly two years apart and in almost exactly the same manner with the eyes staring straight ahead and the head facing the viewer except for one detail. The first one made in acrylic colours has its mouth closed while the second one in colour pencil is roaring. I wasn’t thinking much when I decided to make them this way, but it amazingly represents the way I have changed over the past two years.
I used to be a very shy child when I started working on the first tiger. It was so rare for me to initiate a conversation that I’m pretty sure my classmates felt the urge to record the rare moments when I did. I used to get pushed around and people made me do whatever they pleased. I hated it and felt weak, even though I knew I wasn’t. Hence, my tiger had its body facing away from the viewer and its mouth closed. It stared ahead, barely realizing that it was a tiger, just like me.
When I look at myself now, I know I can talk to anyone confidently on either side of the argument. I don’t let people push me over and have their way all the time, be it for myself or for a friend. I actually like talking to people and getting to know them and I like them getting to know me too. I now feel like someone dependable as I don’t need to depend on anyone to stand up for me anymore. What was my weakness is now my strength- the ability to express myself without being scared of what anyone else would think. I won’t turn away from opposition to my views. Hear me roar. I’m the tiger I made.
I express myself in my art without even realizing it. Everything I have ever made is related to my life in ways which I don’t even understand until later on. There are things I have made without thinking like teary eyes and blooming flowers which I now see them as representations of the ups and downs in my life. I think a lot. I cannot decipher the direction of my thoughts all the time, even when I’m sure of where they are going to take me. It has become a habit to connect minor events of the past to the present and draw conclusions for the future. Somewhere in this thinking, I start to gather ideas and they spill all over the paper.
Art is my tool to create small representations of my identity. Even if I mess up at times, I can never bring myself to throw the piece away simply because a part of me lies in it. I have files upon files of unsuccessful results, but looking at those did not make think less of myself. It drove me to work for perfection. Today I can simply glance through my work — perfected or imperfect, old or new — and notice how far I have come and how far I must still go to do justice to myself.
